Every day, parents frantically work to make sure the kiddos are where they need to be when they need to be with some kind of dinner in their belly. All the equipment needed for the kids’ next activity is bought and in a place where it can be found quickly and easily. It seems like a far cry from simplicity.
Tensions are high because kiddo number one needs special supplies for school “no later than tomorrow” while kiddo number two needs help to study for a “very important test.” Mom finds out these important bits of information on the drive from soccer sign-ups to gymnastics practice, while Dad is finishing up a meeting before heading home to help with the nightly duties.
Sound familiar? If my observations and experience are accurate, it is safe to assume that many, many families in modern America struggle through this scenario at least several times during the week.
Families are exhausted and overloaded.
I believe there is a solution to curbing the chaos and making space for simplicity.
But first, we have to make sure we define what simplicity is NOT:
- Simplicity does not mean an absence of tasks. Anyone with a family knows that the task list is long. No matter the age or stage of the kids, there will always be plenty to do.
- For some, simplicity is synonymous with boredom. That could not be farther from the truth. I’m not sure kids and families today typically have the capacity to get truly bored. There are too many stimuli to prevent that!
- Simplicity does not mean that all outside activities must cease. Let’s face it. Many of us truly enjoy participating in activities in our schools and communities. These may be the very activities that help us connect with others and give back to the greater good in our communities.
- Simplicity does not necessarily lead to a minimalist lifestyle. While there are great benefits to living this way, it is not for everyone. I recently read about a woman who confessed that her simple lifestyle is really more of a maximalist lifestyle!
So what is a simple life?
A simple life is just a prioritized life that is intentionally chosen.
It is not haphazard, yet it always has room for spontaneity.
People living a simple life exude peace because they know what the end goal is.
So how do we reach this lifestyle that eludes so many of us?
The key word here is intentionality. The way to get simplicity is to just make space for it.
Think about this. If you find the perfect piece of furniture to finish off the look of your living room, you will make space for it. That may mean removing another piece of furniture that is not your favorite. Or it may mean rearranging the room to fit your needs better.
The same can be true for your time and your lifestyle. You have to make space for what you prioritize.
The first step in moving toward a simpler lifestyle is to list your family priorities.
What are the things that you want to make happen or that you are already doing and you do not want to give up? What are the things that will contribute to the well-being of your family members the most?
Perhaps this is a weekly date night with your husband or wife or a day trip with the kids once a month. Is it a time of worship with your family together on Sunday? Is it a priority to have a specific time of day where the screens are turned off for a time of quiet reading or reflection?
It is also important to make this list of priorities for each member of the family. Healthy families recognize that each person in the family has different needs. Some kids may have special talents or desires for participating in team sports. Others kids my need more social interactions with peers, so a weekly play date would help him thrive. What does each parent need? Time to work out at the gym, a girl’s night out, or maybe just some uninterrupted time to finish household chores!
Whatever the priorities are, write them down. Once these are on paper, it will be easier to move to the next step.
Next, decide which activity goes in what time slot.
Depending on the ages of your children, this step may need everyone’s input. This is where you decide which priority comes before the others. Be warned. This is the hard part.
Some in your family may think their activity should come before the others. What a great teaching time this can be! Humility and sacrifice will become the topics of the day.
One important thing to remember. It is imperative that you do not schedule every moment of every day. Even though I am a planning nut, I recognize that this can get out of hand. If you must plan it all out, just make sure some of the “plans” are simply “open time.” This will allow for the best of the spontaneous games or trips to get ice cream to happen. It may also be where you are available for those quiet chats with your kids or ministry to others that need you.
Finally, be flexible!
If you cannot accomplish this third step, you might as well throw the plan out the window. We all know that plans change. Some priorities on your list may change. For sure, some things in your schedule will change. Remember, this schedule is based on your priorities. When something is no longer a priority, that time slot can be freed to be used for a different priority. Give yourself and your family permission to change your mind. It’s ok.
I feel the need to give a word of caution. Outside influences will try to take some of your time slots and therefore change some of your priorities. Just make sure you agree with the priority shift. If these outside influences begin to make you feel cheated or like your family is being pulled in a direction instead of intentionally choosing what is best, it may be time to stand up and protect your time once again.
No doubt, intentional families have to work hard to maintain their best selves. Parents have a special role in guarding their family’s time and priority list. But this task is very doable and extremely fulfilling. As an added bonus, when the kids are involved in making space for simplicity, they become key players in building their own healthy lives. Isn’t that what we are to be doing as parents? Leading them to their best futures?
What are your best strategies for prioritizing your family’s time and energy?
Where are you still struggling to make it all work?