Comparison is a trap. Remember when you were in middle school? I know, painful, huh? Remember the girl who always seemed to have just what you wanted before you could manage to get it? Remember that super intelligent guy in college that always seemed to ruin the curve in biology class? What about the mom whose children happily do exactly what she asks THE FIRST TIME SHE ASKS?
Frustrating, huh? It seems that when we look at others and their situations, we always seem to come up a bit short. Just a little shy of what the other person is, has, or does. We start to say things like, “If only I looked like that.” Or “Things seem to be so much easier for him.” Or “Why won’t my kids act like that?”
But here’s the thing. Those people that we are looking so longingly to imitate are saying the same ridiculous statements about yet another person in their world. It’s a crazy cycle of comparison. And it’s a trap that is tough to escape!
I consider myself rather content. That is until I am not. I remember a time in my younger years when I would look to those who were a little ahead of me in life experience. I would see what they had or experiences they enjoyed and I wondered if I would ever be in their shoes. I would notice their successful relationships and their professional accomplishments and just wonder.
The biggest problem with looking at others and wondering if we will “be there one day” is that it takes the focus off of enjoying what is right in front of our faces.
In those times of wondering, we are ignoring our biggest blessings and focusing on the future that we have no control over. We are wishing for something that is not relevant to us. It drains us of the joy we have waiting for us at the moment.
So what is a girl to do? How do we stop the cycle of comparison?
Start by stating what you love about yourself and your situation.
Do you love that you have the opportunity to stay home with your children for a season? Do your wild and rambunctious kids make you laugh? Are you happy with your latest haircut? Do you consider yourself a good listener? The list could be endless. Write down everything you can think of in your life that you love.
Take a thankful break.
Spend some time thanking God for every single thing on your list. Yes, even those things that seem a little silly. No, especially those things that seem silly. When we cultivate a spirit of thankfulness, we are loosening ourselves from the trap of comparison. Sure, so-in-so got to go on a two-week vacation…. AGAIN… but the extra time I got to spend with my teenager this week led to an incredible conversation that was long overdue.
Get to know the people you compare yourself to the most.
When we do, a couple of things happen. First, we realize that these “super-people” that have it all, do it all, and are happy all the time actually don’t and aren’t. We have just been seeing their best and brightest. Second, we may find ourselves drawn into a friendship where we can each benefit from the other. You may feel like your new friend “has it all together” but she may feel the same about you. You may have something significant to offer to the relationship that your new friend is lacking.
Seek affirmation from your Creator.
Your identity is in Him. You were made in His image. Therefore, do not spend needless time wishing for something you were not made for. Psalm 139:14 says:
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
Let that soak in a minute. The Creator of the Universe made you how he wanted you to be! Don’t waste time wishing he had made you different.
How have you escaped the comparison trap? Share your thoughts with me in the comments!
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, remembering that as members of the same body you are called to live in harmony, and never forget to be thankful for what God has done for you.
Colossians 3:15
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